The Oulaws [make that In-laws] Have Gone...Spanish diary (Part 3)

Phew! That’s better. A tranquil calm has settled over the household after mayhem with Pam’s family in residence. It all began a week ago; picture the scene, 05:45 Stansted Airport. “Where’s Nigel?” [He’s the gay brother-in-law.]
“Over there.” Indeed he was, resplendent in suit jacket and trousers. Unfortunately the trousers were part of a blue serge suit and the jacket was grey pin-stripe; the shirt was purple candy striped; the shoes black and highly polished. There he sat, cigarette in hand languidly quaffing his second pint of the day. Oh well…it can’t get any worse.
At least we were spared the spectacle of the custard-yellow shirt this time: “It’s Pierre Cardin you know. I got it at a bargain price.”
“Nige, no one else would buy it.”
Nigel - or Luis as he likes to be called in Spain - enjoys a jar or two and if no one else is interested he minces off to the local bars on his own. He came back one day convinced that several of the local men were eyeing him up; his logic being that if they were staring at him they must fancy him. “No Nige, they’ve never seen anyone quite like you before, and they’re taking a second look to make sure they were not mistaken first time.”
Nigel likes to think of himself as a man about town, so only carries a leather Gladstone bag and no hand luggage when he travels. On this occasion he wanted to take home some olive oil, so he borrowed a duffle bag from Colin [more of him later]. At the airport on the return journey, rather than carry a duffle bag as cabin luggage, he decided to check it in as hold luggage. “I’m not carrying a common thing like that around.” [He has a way with words...]
Needless to say it took them overweight and cost €63 excess. He refused to take it off the belt and, as he has a bit of a problem with short arms and long pockets where money is concerned, Colin had to pay the bill!! To cap it all, when they reached Stansted the bottles had broken anyway! I think that is poetic justice.
Colin on the other hand is straight, speaks not a word of Spanish and is mustard-keen to learn Spanish ways. He saw us kissing some friends on both cheeks - so he joined in enthusiastically with everyone we met - only he planted a big smacker on each cheek rather than just touching cheeks which is what you are supposed to do….unfortunately he also did it with the men…goodness knows what they think, what with Nigel and all.
At the local market, Colin was innocently stood at a stall next to a rather large lady when one of her friends walked by, patting her firmly on the bum as she did so. When the large lady looked around there was only him in close proximity! A torrent of words followed and even though Colin may not understand the language, it was crystal clear what she thought! Fortunately, a lot of pointing and gesticulating seemed to save the day, at least I did not have to try and rescue him from the arms of the law.
A few hours after the outlaws had gone there was a tremendous downpour, I like to think that the gods were weeping tears of joy that they had departed this land. The only remaining cloud on the horizon is that Nigel asked if he could bring a partner next time, as he had enjoyed himself so much… Over my dead body!
The microwave broke today, smoke everywhere, so we are off to see what we can find. Some things never change…
The builders should be here next week so goodness knows what will happen then…

Bye for now

Rod - Retired